Between the lines-Darvey
by daveryship
Summary: Leave unsaid unspoken Eyes wide shut unopened You and me Always between the lines Between the lines-These two seems to be playing some kind of safe game right?Well, lets see where it will all end.
1. Chapter 1

**Between the lines- Darvey.**

 **So this story was prompted by Sara Bareilles' song, Between the lines. Every time i listen to it i think of Darvey's never crossing over relationship. It was supposed to be a one shot but then i watched the season 7 premier and it grew wings. Kicking and screaming at that Harvey/Paula kiss aaahhhhh!. But hey, i never expected Harvey to take the leap now, the show would be over then. The writers know that and so they are stringing us along. Not to worry Darvey shippers. Darvey is the end game. Ever wondered what happened to those Donna dreams in a space of maybe a day?Last season, which was maybe a day before this one, Harvey was dreaming of Donna. What happened to that?**

 **So now, here's my take on all this. Darvey all the way!**

 _Between the Lines_

 _Time to tell me the truth_

 _To burden your mouth for what you say_

 _No pieces of paper in the way_

 _'Cause I can't continue pretending to choose_

 _These opposite sides on which we fall_

 _The loving you laters if at all_

 _No right minds could wrong be, this many times._

...

 _"I want more"_ She had said with tears in her eyes. She remembers that moment vividly. The look on Harvey's face. He had wanted to run and wanted to come forward at the same time. He had looked trapped. And she had chickened out. She had covered it. What she really wanted to say, she didn't say. She had chickened out. She had replaced heart with money. Emotion for a position. A partnership in the firm. That's not the _more_ she had wanted. That's not what she had meant. But that's what she had been left holding. A shiny new office, as if she needed that. She looked on as Harvey walked away. He walked away with everything from her. Those words will never be said again between the two of them. _"I love you?" Love me how?"._ Forever unspoken. They should have never been spoken in the first place. As it turned out, it had all been for nothing. Between the lines. It was safe here. No, what was wise was the other side, before the line. She never should have crossed that , never again. What had she been thinking trying to venture into uncharted waters? Who was she to dare want more? More, she scoffed. She ran her hands over her shiny new desk and looked around the office. It wasn't the _more_ she had meant. But it was enough. It will have to be.

...

 _"I want more"_. Those words reverberated in his ears, unrelenting. He remembered Donna's face when she had spoken those words. He had been scared but at the same time wired. At least now she was going to say it. And he didn't have to be the one who had said it. He wanted it. He wanted it so bad. But he couldn't have it. Because he needed control. More than anything. He could not lose that. But he also wanted this. Maybe. All he knew was that at that moment he was scared. Scared that he was going to have to be put on the spot to have to say it again. _"Love me how?"_ And he wasn't sure he could answer correctly again this time. Or worse, maybe Dona wanted more, away from him. Crap shit! No. Not that. Please, never that. He felt his heart freeze with dread as Donna shed a tear looking at him. He didn't like Donna's tears. He could take anyone's tears but not Donna's. Never hers. He held his breath as he looked at her.

"What do you mean more?" He wasn't quite sure he was ready for that if she did answer.

She didn't.

Donna had looked away, and wiped her tears elegantly. "I'll see you in the morning Harvey." She had said and then made her escape.

He had taken a relieved sigh. But he wasn't relieved. No, it felt like now he had a sword handing over his head. And he hated to be put in that position. The position of waiting. What was Donna going to say tomorrow? What more did she want? What did she mean? Was he ready for that, if that's what she wanted? No shit he wasn't! And he didn't like being put in this position. He wanted control of his own shit and damn straight he'll take control of his own goddamn shit! All this was going on in his head as he was driving his Ferrari . The wind blowing his hair away. It didn't feel as liberating as it usually felt. He found himself parked outside Paula's driveway. She was now his other _go to_ for help. But now he didn't just want help. He wanted, needed to get rid of the dagger hanging over his head.

He found himself charming Paula up, they had good chemistry. Maybe. Well he was never one to pass up a potential relationship with an attractive female. Except for Donna. Correction, from Donna he didn't just pass. From Donna he ran.

Well check it out, he had a date. With Dr Feelgood, no less. The very next day. The Specter charm always worked; of that he had never doubted. He was in his zone.

Now he was ready to hear what Donna was going to say. No, he was not even gonna let her say anything. He was going to talk first. Whatever _more_ she wanted, he wasn't ready to give.

He was ready as he walked into the building the next morning as Donna was also walking in. He was ready, he had practiced his speech all night.

"Is that for me?" He asked jokingly, seeing as she was holding just one cup of coffee. Usually she would be holding two; one for him, one for her.

She scoffed, "No. Actually its for me. You're later than usual this morning. I've been waiting for you." She said casually.

That's the opening he needed, "Donna about the other night...,I know you said you wanted _more_ but before you say anything..."

But the words that came out of her mouth were nowhere near what he had expected.

"I want to be a partner."

"Partner?" He was confused.

"Yes i figured out what i want and i want to be a Partner at this Firm." She said with her usual confidence.

And no, she wasn't kidding.

What he felt? He wasn't too sure. The first that registered was relief. Or was that disappointment. It all happened at once in his warring heart he didn't know which had come first. Disappointment that he had not suddenly been pushed into admitting what he needed to admit in order to have what he knew he wanted. Relief that at least she hadn't admitted what he needed her to admit in order to have what he knew he wanted. Needed. Relief that he could still square up his shoulders and walk with that undefeated gait and continue to pretend that he wasn't waking up every night these days dreaming about Donna. Dreaming of _more_ , with Donna. Relief that at least he didn't have to recite that pathetic speech of his. The speech he had spent the whole night preparing, reason why he was 'later than usual this morning', her words.

Well he was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. He had been offered an escape route. He had had to let go of a chunk of his pride when he had to forgive his mother and her lover. At Donna's probing, of course. The woman could make him do anything. It had been good for him, he would admit. He had his family back. His shit was together now. Some. But it had taken too much. And he wasn't sure he could take that other step. He couldn't handle a fall. God only knew he fell a long time ago but he had to admit it to be truly fallen. And he will never. Not in this lifetime. He saw what it had done to his father to fall. And with Donna he would not only fall, he would fall hard. It would be unbearably painful if she were to ever do to him what his mother did to his father. He could never fall. At least he would never admit it. He'll stay safe that way. He liked it when people loved him and he didn't have to love back. It was a safe and powerful place to be. He liked this space. And Paula,well, she loved him. She's pretty much said it at dinner. If she didn't yet she will. And he didn't have to give anything. At least not much.

A partner at the firm? It was a big ask but, he could swing it. No problem. Well, there was Louis.

...

He was charming, and handsome. And rich. And all things manly. But how could she do this? How could she have done this to herself? She was his therapist. She knew, better than anyone, his issues. And one of those major issues was Donna. How could she put herself in such a situation? Such a dangerous situation. Granted, she had not got into this thinking that her heart would be an issue. It was just a fling. Had been meant to be just a fling. She had never thought she would lose her heart in this game. She should have known better. She'd seen Donna. How could she do this to herself? Knowing what she knew. How could she? She had gone to dinner with him for the first time and when he could finally give her his attention, that is after she'd called him out on it, all he could talk about was 'Donna this' 'Donna that'. It had pissed her off. And she had finally found some sense to back out of all this. But then he had come to her house again. And he had kissed her. And she was sold.

She looked at the sleeping handsome face besides her. Heart, how could you? She berated herself in self pity. But why was she selling herself short? She had bargaining power here. Harvey now depended on her for help. Though it was only Donna who could get him to do anything. Donna was the one who had convinced him to forgive his mother after all, she knew that. The unscalable wall, and Donna had done it. But she was the one who now practically lived in his mind. She was his therapist after all. She just had to make it count. Could living in the mind be more that living in the heart? That's a theory she would like to test before she took herself out of the game. Besides, those two had known each other for thirteen years now, and still nothing had come of it. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be for them. They could have at least slept together at least once by now. But nothing. No right minds could this wrong be, this many times. She had a hand to play here. Mind over heart. She wasn't out of the game yet.

...

He snuggled closer to the warm body beside him in the bed. He could feel the hair cascading over his chest. He didn't want to wake up yet. Or ever. But he was pretty sure he had to wake up and go to work. He had some big shoes to fill after all and being late wasn't the impression he wanted to put across. Oh, but this was soo good. He cuddled her close and ran his fingers through her hair. Long red hair, felt like silk. Donna. He murmured.

The hair didn't feel quite right though. Not quite...,

Crap! He opened his eyes. Blond. Not red. Shit! He'd been dreaming again. He froze and looked at Paula. Trying to gauge where she was at with what he'd just said. She seemed surprisingly calm and happy. She had a smile on her face.

No woman would be this serene after hearing what he just said. No woman, therapist or not would react like that. Unless...unless he hadn't said that out loud.

"Good morning." She said

Oh thank God! He hadn't said it out .

"Good morning." He said with a relieved smile. He hadn't said it out loud.

But shit! He had to get his shit under control. Because if anyone could sniff out Donna dreams it would be his therapist for Christ's sake! His heart was starting to beat fast, realizing the situation he had put himself under. But maybe she could help him. She might help him get over this thing he felt for Donna. Whatever it was. He mused on that. It wasn't such a bad idea. Get rid of it once and for all Dr Magic. Make it disappear.

But right now he had to get to work.

...

 **Alrighty then. For now that's all. Don't lose hope Darvey shippers. Its not over yet. I believe that. See you in a bit.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 **Hey guys, so i'm just fishing here. Trying to make sense of all this and the writers are not giving us much in the Darvey department. Yeah well...,**

 **...**

 **My memory is cruel**  
 **I'm queen of attention to details**  
 **Defending intentions if he fails**  
 **Until now, he told me her name**  
 **It sounded familiar in a way**  
 **I could have sworn I'd heard him say it ten thousand times**  
 **If only I had been listening- Between the lines.**

...

Mike was picking up some strange things about Harvey lately. He was very good at that, very good at reading people. But Donna should have by now picked it up too. She was way batter at it that he could ever be. Unless she was in on it.

He remembered teasing Harvey about Donna just a few weeks ago when he was looking over his bachelor pad as a possible wedding venue.

 _"Just make sure you don't... uhm... Donna on our weeding day."_

Harvey had made a face. It had been a sure thing that these two were going to hook up somehow. What, Donna leaving had the guy having panic attacks and she came back because Harvey could literally not live without her. His panic attacks that had looked more like heart attack if it were up to Mike to quantify. But now Harvey had a different... glow, should he say, these days. He seemed more... don't know...settled? Was it Donna? He had a girlfriend that was for sure. Whether it was Donna or not he couldn't be certain. Those two did seem to have an art of keeping things under wraps.

But come to think of it, it wasn't Donna. It couldn't be. Why? Because Donna didn't seem to have the same glow. She didn't have that vibe. Harvey and Donna had been a little distant with each other lately. There was a new distance between them these days. The disguise? Maybe. Or Harvey did have another girlfriend. Well then, Mike would just have to bid his time, assess and not ask about it until the right time. The Firm was slowly getting on its feet now and Harvey was getting more and more control on the reigns. But something...else was going on.

He'll ask Rachel. If it's what he was thinking then Rachel would know. She would know if Harvey and Donna were hooking up. But he hadn't notice the same glow on Donna. However; what did he know of glow anyway?

...

 _"I'll look at it later."_ He'd said dismissively to Donna's Press release thing.

 _"Do you mean later like this afternoon or like after you've gone to see Dr Agart?"_

Harvey had looked up with a start as Donna stared at him with that look.

 _"What?"_ His heart stopped there for a moment as he waited for her to clarify. He'd felt like a rabbit caught in a trap. Did she know?

 _"Harvey the last time i stopped being your Secretary you started having panic attacks. And i'm not saying that's gonna happen again but you just got a look on your face, and i wanna make sure that you're ok with all of this."_

He took a relieved breath, she didn't know. _"I'm ok with it Donna."_ And he really was surprised to know that he was truly ok with it. Really. Dr Feelgood's magic was already working on him he was pretty sure he was never going to have panic attacks because he couldn't see Donna outside his office again.

He reflected on that now as he cuddled Paula close sitting on his couch one night.

Hell, he had felt like he had been caught cheating. Like he had dodged a bullet. Why did he feel that way? So what if Donna knew? It wasn't any of her business. She was not his wife. They were friends. She was a friend. And she had helped him much with his past relationships, what's to say she won't help him with this one too? Maybe he should tell Donna. Not that it mattered really. So he had a girlfriend. So what?

But how come he didn't want Donna to find out?

...

Donna sighed as she looked at the ton of work on her desk. Not that she couldn't do it or anything; she just didn't...she missed being in front of Harvey's office. Now she hardly ever saw him anymore. He was buried in work, with trying to get this Firm from collapsing. And now he was being distant and professional and she couldn't remember when last any of their jokes had passed between them. It was becoming cold in this place. Yeah, the place had none of its vigor it used to have when it was all drama and politics; when it was still Pearson Specter, but still. None of the important people were gone. Except for Jessica of course. It shouldn't be this cold though. This empty. Now she was handling the Associates, trying to keep order in all of this but she was feeling like...like she was fading in the background. The more she was brought forward the more she was fading into the background. Just how? She had been promoted, had taken on more responsibilities and still...It wasn't...

Well it was more or less what she always did, organize, keep order and all that. But with a title now. Executive whatever, she couldn't care less about the title. Well, she did care but...

She was being excessive in her dealings, trying to please Harvey and show him that she could handle the promotion. But the more she tried to be relevant to him the more he... he forgot to see her.

And now she was snapping at Rachel, firing the associates. It was just...it wasn't what she had wanted.

She'll make it right. She'll prove to Harvey that she was worthy of this promotion. She will find the mole inside their Firm.

 _"It's time for you to prove to everyone that you deserve this promotion."_ Harvey had said to her over the phone and just cut off.

Not that he would usually linger on anything but...she couldn't put her finger on it but he sounded like...like...,he sounded so professional. Like he would no longer have any problem firing her.

She shook that thought out. Harvey would never do that. He was...,she didn't know what they were but they were more than just professional right? They'd been friends for twelve years. Something had changed about him though and,...well maybe it was work. Of course it was work.

But then again, just last year he had had a problem with her moving across the office to work on Louis' desk. A problem being an understatement. Try major panic attacks. He had to seek out a therapist. This time however, he seemed to have no problem with her taking an office the same distance away. Problem being an overstatement since he didn't even flinch when she was looking for replacements for him. He seemed to be good with it.

Donna was nothing if not intuitive but this time, she had no idea. It was work. Of course it was work.

That was another point of business she had to take care of. She had to fix their 'getting cold' relationship/friendship, whatever. As soon as possible.

Tonight in fact. After work.

She'll surprise him with a Macallan, pour some drinks and let him load off about whatever it was he wanted to talk about. Most probably work. And she should just listen. As usual, as in the good old days.

...

Harvey sat on the couch cuddling Paula as they watched the game on TV. He was laughing about her comments. Suffice to say, she did not know anything about football. He got up to get a bottle of scotch. He took out two glasses and poured and was now ravaging his kitchen for some snacks.

His doorbell rang and before he could move Paula called out that she'd get it. He left her to it. He just smiled as she got up to open the door.

...

 **Alrighty then. See you in a bit.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3.**

 **Leave unsaid unspoken**  
 **Eyes wide shut unopened**  
 **You and me always be**  
 **You and me always be- Sara bareilles (Between the lines)**

...

Paula found herself staring into the eyes of a beautiful intimidating woman on Harvey's door's step. Classy as always and she had a scowl on her face which quickly turned to surprise. Then she sized her up and down and quickly covered it as she stretched out her hand to greet her.

"Dr Agart, what a surprise to find you here. Is Harvey in by any chance?"

Paula had always admired this lady, but she could see that somehow it wasn't reciprocated. She did not approve.

"Mrs Pierson, um…it's a pleasure to meet you again. Please come in." She invited.

Jessica walked in as Harvey was just coming from the kitchen. He paused in his tracks.

"Jessica. To what do I owe the pleasant surprise?"

"I was just in the neighborhood." She said the lame excuse with a raised eyebrow.

Harvey let it pass. He didn't know why he felt a little unsettled about Jessica finding out like this.

"I'm not staying Harvey, I just wanted to talk to you about something. Can you walk me out?" She said

Harvey just nodded and walked with her outside. She nodded politely to Paula before she exited.

Paula hung her head. Obviously, Jessica was a Donna fan. Well, she was the one with Harvey now, not Donna. That's all that mattered right now. She told Harvey she was not going to be intimidated by the other women he cared about. She was also not going to be intimidated by what those women and the other people in Harvey's life thought about her and Harvey's relationship.

Outside, Jessica just regarded Harvey for a minute without saying anything.

Harvey rolled his eyes, "Don't start with that Jessica."

"I didn't say anything Harvey. I try very hard to stay out of your personal business."

"Oh, but your eyes are saying a lot without you saying a word."

"Ok, then I am going to come right out and say it. Do you think this is a good idea?"

"She's no longer my Doctor Jessica."

"And we both know that's not what we're talking about."

Harvey swallowed convulsively, he knew where this was going, and he was not a fan.

"Ok, Jessica, what are we talking about?" He asked just to be clear.

"Donna."

"What about Donna?" Harvey asked

"Does she know about this?"

"Why should she know about this? Its none of her business."

"Oh, ok. Just remember to keep your shit together when this all blows up in your face. I think its time you face up to whatever childhood issues you've got Harvey and get your life together. Because you are now CEO of a large Firm and it wouldn't look good for you to fall apart like before just because something blew over with Donna. Just saying."

Harvey just looked away, feeling his temper rising. "I'm pretty sure you did not fly all the way here to give me relationship advise."

"Right, well Malick and his bogus suit. How about we talk about that?"

…...

I thought I thought I was ready to bleed  
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall  
And stand in the center of it all  
Too late two choices to stay or to leave  
Mine was so easy to uncover  
He'd already left with the other  
So I've learned to listen through silence

...

Donna sat on her kitchen table sipping a third glass of scotch. She remembered the time just two days ago when she had planned to go to Harvey's, so they could catch up on their friendship as she had been feeling that it was going a little sour. She had put it off for drinks with Rachel instead. She knew now that she had been scared of confronting Harvey about what was going on in their relationship. She had been scared that maybe it wasn't just work that was making him behave the way he was behaving. So distant. She had been scared to find out. And now she knew why. Harvey was in a relationship with his Therapist. She had not seen that coming. At least if she had she would have known how to block the blow, at least enough to not make it hurt so bad.

He had sat there across from her desk and she had smiled at him in welcome. She had missed him, and she told him so. He looked uncomfortable, the way he did when he had something important to tell her. Important meaning something he wasn't very comfortable talking to her about. She waited for it.

 _"Donna there's something I need to tell you." He started._

 _"Yeah, sure what is it?" she had asked, curious_

 _"I am seeing someone, Paula Agart."_

For the life of her she never would have guessed that. The air just went out of her lungs and she forgot to breathe for a moment. She couldn't think. So, she smiled.

 _"I knew that."_ She said, and did what she did best. Cover.

Boy, did she know how to cover her feelings. She could not believe how well she played that part, pretending that she was ok with what she had just heard while all the while her senses were screaming.

How could he though? How could he?

Now she sat here pondering it all. It felt like a betrayal. Unreasonable of her to think that way yeah, but a betrayal still. She had spent all this time, all these years putting Harvey first and yeah, she regretted it. She regretted putting Harvey before herself. Because this was the last straw. She felt like the rug had been pulled from underneath her feet and now she had nothing holding her up. This was different from when Harvey had been with other women. Because all that time they had both been pretending to be unconcerned about the other. It was never out in the open but now…now after the recent events. They had all but told each other how they felt. Harvey had told her he loved her and up until now that statement had not yet been clarified. He had had to seek out a therapist because she left him to work for Louis. Somehow because of that she had thought she could relax in the knowledge of his love for her, or at least what she had believed was his love for her. She had waited, thinking that Harvey's issue was with the saying out of the words. And she had been willing to wait for him to come to terms with his feelings and come and sweep her off her feet. She had thought the therapy would help him come to terms with his feelings for her just like it helped him with his feelings for his mother. They had become close the past year that she though it was only a matter of time, she had only to be patient.

And then he had gone and run off with another woman. The woman who she was believing to be helping him with his issues with his feels for her. Yeah it was a betrayal. She had set with Paula at one point and they had both agreed that Harvey didn't know what he was missing regarding Donna. She had never expected that same therapist to be the one to…And right under her nose like that. And Harvey, God this time he had managed to hurt her. She had felt like a dropped potato. Suddenly she was calling Mark, trying to find someone so that she could be with someone, anyone. She felt lonely for the first time in as long as she could remember. She had always had Harvey, but now she didn't.

Putting her life into sudden turmoil. She was making decisions without thinking them through, meeting up with a married man in a hotel. Things she never would have done. Thank God, she hadn't gone through with that mistake.

She'd lost him, she'd lost her best friend, her soulmate. And if she continued to hold her head up high, keeping her back straight, pretending that she wasn't cracking she was going to crumble into a hip in no time. But one more time. Just one more time. Tomorrow was an important day. She might probably be put on the stand and she had to have all her strength intact. She can put some band aids and cover up the cracks for now. Just to get through tomorrow. She just had to get through tomorrow. She won't cry. Not tonight. She'll cry tomorrow. Tomorrow in the privacy of her apartment, she'll come undone. Tomorrow.

….

Mike thought he had Malick in court. He had him, but the guy was smart and crooked alright. Now he had got him to admit about one scandal while leaving Donna open for another. The Coastal Motors documents that she shredded years ago. And how the hell did he come to know about that? The guy was calling Donna to the stand anyway and there was nothing he or anyone else could do about it. They had thought they had it covered. Louis had brought up a very legitimate claim for Donna not to be put on the stand, only it covered just one scandal. The guy seemed to be a step ahead of them all the time. He could see what it was doing to Donna having all that history drenched up again. He was there on that mock trial when Louis had done it many years ago. Now here they were again. And with the whole thing about Paula and Harvey it wasn't easy, he could see that. And he felt helpless as he saw her being humiliated on the stand like that again.

And Harvey didn't look any better. He could see what it was all doing to him too. What was the deal anyway? Anyone could see how much Harvey cared about Donna.

 _"Because she's different!"_

He'd yelled at Mike during that case. Why was he dating Paula now after everything that had happened between him and Donna? Of course, he didn't know about them ever getting intimate, but they were so much more than any intimate coupe he had ever seen. They were running away from each other for sure. And right now, Harvey was the one running scared and blind. He had to know. Rachel would know for sure if there ever was anything at all between them, which as a perfectly normal observant human being he knew there was, he had to know. So, he can stop his friend, a man who had become like a big brother to him, from making a mistake he was going to regret for the rest of his life. All because of some inherent fear of being left behind. Some childhood trauma that shouldn't have such a hold on him still.

….

It had been gruelling and brutal and she felt drained. She was being blindsided a lot these days. She had not expected to be put on the stand today. And to have her integrity questioned like that, her reputation dragged trough the mud like that. As much as she was angry with Malick she was also angry with Harvey, because he had not protected her this time. And it was because of him that anything to do with her carrier achievement was tainted. It was unreasonable but yeah, she felt that way. In a way she kind of got why Harvey was so against the two of them being together. Anything carrier wise would be questioned, and undermined. Like what happened today. She got that.

She was also angry with Louis, he did not prepare her. He flat out refused to prepare her and now she had been blindsided like that. She was so mad at Malick, so mad at him for doing that to her. To think that she was the one person who used to give him the time of day when they were still at the DA's office.

Most of all she was angry with herself. She had to go through all that and for what? She had nothing, no Harvey. But she was still suffering for him.

She did regret it. Putting Harvey before herself. Mark would have married her, he had loved her. But she had loved Harvey, and had let Mark go because of him. He had gone off and married some other woman. And she had lost all. But hey, she did get a stella reputation out of it didn't she?

She could feel the cracks in her amour widening but she had to keep it together. Just a few more hours. She'll hold on for just a few more hours.

Right now, she had to get Malick, and she had to go see that woman. And she had yelled at Louis, and she was so not in a good head space right now.

Then Mike had to come and say something totally unexpected and unsettling to her. She had to work extra hard to stay cool and not give away anything.

" _Tell Harvey how you feel."_

 _"What?" she had been shocked._ What did he mean? Then he told her that Rachel had told him about her and Harvey sleeping together those many years ago.

 _"And if I let you lose something that might make you as happy as we are and didn't say something I would never forgive myself."_

 _"Mike, I appreciate where your heart is, but two people have to want to be together to be happy and Harvey and I don't wanna be together."_

She really did try to get through to Mike on that one, and to make him believe it. She was an actress after all. Well, one thing was true, she might want to be with Harvey, but he certainly didn't want to be with her. So, she will believe that. And she will try and be happy for his happiness. He was her best friend. She'll let it go and move on. She had to try.

She was brooding sitting looking out her window in her office at the stars outside. It was a beautiful night.

Then Louis came in and gave her that horrible speech about soulmates and threw her new found resolve about being happy for Harvey out the window. And now she wasn't so sure. What if she was letting go of the best thing in her life just because she can put up a front like a pro. What if he was her soulmate? What if? What if? What the freaking if?!

….

This day could possibly not get any worse for Harvey. Donna had been put on the stand by that moron and humiliated on that stand. And ever since then it had been a race against time to get that bastard and they did it. Finally. Only to have him come back and say that now he was coming after Jessica. He could kill the bastard.

And now Jessica was pressuring him to take her name off the wall and he was not comfortable with that. Not even to save the Firm's reputation if Malick managed to have her disbarred. He needed Donna. He needed her to tell him what to do. And where the hell was Louis anyway? This was an all hands on deck kind of situation. He needed his team with him right now. He fumed as he walked to Donna's office searching for her.

"Oh, good. You're here. Because Louise is..." he said in relief at finding her as he was walking into Donna 's office, his mind intent on getting Jessica off the hook. He didn't even see it coming. From the little he could remember he thinks it started when he saw Donna walk towards him with that look. That's when his brain started getting numb. Then she put her arms around him and kissed him. And his brain shut down.

He had never been kissed like that before. He had never wanted to feel like that.

The reason Harvey Specter was the best close in the City was because he knew how to pick his fights. He'd weigh out the risks and ascertain whether he could come out of the fight with just bruises or with some more severe permanent brain damages. Or dead even.

He was the guy who knew what risks to take and what not to risk. He would know not to touch it within a ten inch pole.

He settled. He was good at it. He never went to trial if he could avoid it. That's why he was the best. His clients knew they could always get a good settlement offer without having to leave their fates to a Jury. He hated not having control of his destiny. If he could avoid it he would settle. That way he would get what he wanted on his terms. Or at least what he could live with. And that was how he also conducted his life. He never went to trial. He settled. And he was good with it.

Now though, now he was being subpoenaed. And he could not take this case to trial. He had been avoiding it for so long that he had thought he had worked out a settlement for himself that he could live with. He stayed safe while he could still have a normal relationship with a woman he actually liked. While the most important person in his life, Donna, stayed safe beside him. His sacred relationship with Donna stayed intact. It was a good deal. Everything stayed the same in his life. It was the perfect case of having your cake and eating it too. Everyone got what they wanted. Everyone was happy. Right?

Donna got her promotion and she gets to stay by his side. He had Paula, a woman he liked and can totally make a life with.

And now he was being forced to go to trial. He had been subpoenaed. That kiss had rendered him useless, as he had always known it would with Donna. Reason why he avoided that fight with his life. That was one fight he knew he could never win. One fight he had to avoid at all costs because that was one fight he would come out of with not just bruises. Best case scenario was some permanent cardiac and brain damages, if it didn't kill him first that is. But now Donna had crossed the line, and he had no choice but to face up to it. Or run. Because he couldn't go there. He couldn't lose Donna.

He remembered that wonderful dream turned nightmare where Donna brought him a cup of coffee in bed.

 _"This is the best cup of coffee I've ever had." It tasted like heaven. Even in his dreams._

And she had smiled, _"Told you it would be worth the wait."_

Then it quickly turned into a nightmare when she said now that they were a couple she wouldn't work for him anymore. He had woke up so fast, sweating. It was amazing even to him how the idea of her leaving him in any way could make him breakout in a sweat like that. Even in a dream.

He couldn't lose her. He just couldn't and, so he couldn't go there. Ever.

He could risk any relationship but not his with Donna. He wouldn't know how to breathe right. He wouldn't want to imagine it. He couldn't risk it over anything. Anything.

Last time he had a dagger hung over him like that he had run to Paula. Then when he had told Donna about Paula he had gone and gave Paula a key to his house. He had never done that with any woman. Now that the dagger was hanging this close it was certainly going to kill him if he didn't move quickly. What was his next move?

...

Hope you like. See you in a bit.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 **Just saying, I called it. Didn't i? Harvey running much?**

I thought I thought I was ready to bleed  
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall  
And stand in the center of it all  
Too late two choices to stay or to leave  
Mine was so easy to uncover  
He'd already left with the other  
So I've learned to listen through silence

...

Crap! Was all she could think after that kiss. Just crap! It didn't go as she had planned. He didn't run after her after she exited the room. Like she had hoped. Maybe he needed to time to find out too. Process maybe.

He hadn't got down on his knee o declare his undying love for her, like she had dreamed. Maybe tomorrow. After he had processed this to realized what he had to know in his heart for a long time now. He will go back and tell Paula that he had made a mistake and he would come running back to her.

Maybe tonight when she was fast asleep she would hear a drunken knock on her door and realise that it was him at last. After fighting with his demons, drinking himself drunk because of course Harvey would have to struggle with admitting his feelings for her at least a bit.

Then he would lose the battle and find himself knocking on her door at 2am. And she would get up from her deep sleep to go and open the door for him. Well, maybe it wouldn't be such a deep sleep. Considering she didn't think she was going to get any sleep tonight after what just happened. What she had just done. She had smacked down crossed the line. Blurred or not. The aftermath was the deciding factor now. Harvey could either take the bait or run. Which would he choose.

She didn't know. But she had hope. And she left awake that night, with one ear tuned to the front door. Hear anxiously listening, waiting.

The knock never came. But a girl could dream.

Now it was time to get up and go to work. Face the tiger. Yey.

She really wasn't so proud of her never getting sick record right now. She wanted to sleep in today. This was the time when a cold could really come in handy.

…

He didn't know how he had got his legs to move from that office, but h did. Louis had said something to him on the passage to the elevator, and he had answered him. He didn't remember what it was or what he had managed to answer or how. But it seemed Louis was satisfied with his answer. Well, he had paused and asked if he was ok. Ok? Will he ever be ok again. He was going to do something about it or so God help him.

He walked to his apartment, his mind miles away. And what did he see?

Paula sitting on his couch, waiting for him. The horror.

Well, yeah, his backup plan had always been Paula, but not right now. Right now, he needed time to process what just happened. The kiss.

He needed to get his heart, his mind, his soul and his body to function normally before he had to kiss another woman. Any other woman.

He was shocked to see her, and winded and he did maybe manage to keep his shock and odd behavior at a minimal. Because when Paula asked him if it had all gone well with Donna, he may have stared at her like she had sprouted new ears on her head but when he realized that she was only talking about the case, he managed to mumble an answer. Coherent, he would like to believe.

His heart was doing a topsy tuvy dance, his mind was in the wind and he was barely managing to breathe. And it was not because he was happy to see Paula. No sir, it wasn't.

Then she stood up, all smiling and walked towards him with the intention of kissing him.

He didn't want her to do that. Lord please don't let her do that.

Then she came into his arms and puckered up for a kiss. He didn't know what else to do. He felt like he was cheating. And not on Paula. No.

He didn't want to ruin the kiss he just had in the office just less than an hour ago.

But what was going to do? He was a gentleman, so he dipped his head, so he could merge his lips with hers. And he didn't feel anything. Not what he was supposed to feel kissing his girlfriend. Not what he had felt kissing Donna. It was different. And he had never hated Donna more at that moment. She had completely ruined everything. She had rocked the boat. And that was unacceptable.

He was not ready to deal with this shit. He would never be ready to deal with it.

"Move in with me." He found himself saying to Paula. This was his last saving grace. His last strategy at survival against the onslaught of emotion threaten to engulf him ever since Donna kissed him in that office. And the bitch of it was, she didn't even give him a warning. Maybe he could have shielded himself somehow, if she had warned him about. _'Hey Harvey, I'm about to kiss you now. Take cover.'_ Something like that.

He felt like a man drowning at sea and Paula was like his raft, his very last life line. Moving in with her would be the most reasonable way to escape. He could make it permanent too, but it would seem weird if he suddenly got on one knee here and proposed marriage.

So, casually and abruptly proposing moving in together would hopefully not be too suspicious. After all, she had a key. Which she was only too happy to use, since she had just let herself into his house at the worst possible time.

But now she was stuttering at his proposal as if he had said let's go take a scuba dive or something. So even this was weird. She had reasonably refused. Great.

For someone who had just proposed moving in together, he was not in a very romantic mood. And he didn't have the energy to feign it. So, he gave his excuses, said he was exhausted from work. Funny enough, sleep didn't steal him into a deep slumber that night. All thanks to Donna.

….

Walking into the office was like walking into enemy lines on the battle field. She squared her shoulders and got ready to face off with Harvey. It didn't happen, turns out he didn't want to talk about it. Nothing new there.

What hurt the most though was how Harvey seemed to be more concerned about what she had done to his relationship with Paula than anything to do with their feelings towards each other. Now she knew. The kiss had not told her anything she didn't know already. What she knew now, what she got to find out because of her reckless impulsive behavior, because of his reaction to it, was that she and Harvey were never going to go over that line again.

She had tried to apologize over and over but he didn't want to hear it.

 _'Nothing short of you saying that it would never happen again Donna.'_

 _'Ok. It will never happen again.'_

Still he remained unreasonable. And she had been humiliated, he had all but forced her to confess to it. Declare that their chance together was to never exist. 'Save the best for last' dream was not in the making.

Suffice to say, Harvey. Was. Pissed!

The whole day was a battle back and forth. She would suggest something, he would shut her down, with that permanent scowl on her face. And he didn't want to talk about it.

But when he had shut down their Senior Partner candidate for no reason, and displayed very unprofessional behavior in front of a visitor in that interview, that was the last straw. They had to talk about it, and they will even if she had to force him to do so. She had to make this right. Despite everything, she didn't want to lose him, so she will be the one to bow out. Never again will she put her heart on the line like that.

He called her selfish, a home wrecker and a bitch, in a nut shell. And he clearly said he didn't want more. This time it was clear enough for her.

' _Our lines have been blurry from the begging Harvey. I'm the person you call at six in the morning when you need something. We smile, we drink, we flirt."_

 _"That doesn't mean I want more."_

And there it was. The answer she was looking for. Time to wrap this up then folks.

 _'Neither do i. I didn't feel anything when I kissed you Harvey. Whatever I thought was_ _there wasn't._ "

Ok, so that may have been a bit of an overkill in the lying department, but it had to be done. Rip the band-aid off, sever the arm to save the life. What was important was her relationship with Harvey, as it had always been. If more wasn't what he wanted, then less it was. She would settle for less.

Now, if they were going to keep this charade for the foreseeable future he shouldn't look so hurt when she said she didn't feel anything when she had kissed him. But he had started it, he had hurt her with his words, and with choosing Paula still, wanting to be with Paula and not her. Even though the knowledge that the kiss had affected him, and that he still had not told Paul about their one time, would suggest hope, she was so done with this back and forth. The lines had to be clearly drawn his time, never to be crossed again. Unresolved feelings be damned.

If he wanted Paula then he will have Paula, she'll make sure of that.

And their talk had finally paid off. Well, after a lot of further coercion Harvey had come around. Their friendship was back on track, lines clearer. And they could still hug. Feel anything? Yeah, she was sure that was allowed. Talk about it though? That was an absolute 'No'. Let alone, act on it. Never again. Never again Donna Paulsen.

...

Leave unsaid unspoken  
Eyes wide shut unopened  
You and me always be  
You and me always be


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5.**

 **So, did anyone scream wuth the ending of that last episode? i know i did. Darvey shippers, keep the faith.**

 **...**

 **Someone told me but I won't know**

 **That I feel half empty, ripped and torn  
They say there'd be plenty other hands to hold  
Now I wish they'd told me long ago**

 **Ooh, I don't want this to break you  
Ooh, but I've got no one else to talk to-Deep End, Birdy**

…..

Things were going ok. She wasn't one to complain after that major disaster with Harvey. The kiss, the freeze out, the fight and then the reconciliation; it had been a crazy week. But now it was getting better. Their friendship was going to take a lot more work than expected but at least they had gotten over the hard part. After that kiss, and Harvey's rejection, it would have seemed insurmountable but now, things were getting back to normal. At least if she willed it, things would be back to normal. Harvey still could not look her in the eye, still spoke to her like she was another employee and not his friend. That was not there anymore, the friendship. It was going to be hard working together under these circumstances, but the other option was unfathomable.

There were no more midnight calls, just to talk, no more flirting and no more drinking together in the office after hours, after a hard day. That was their friendship, their ritual. She wondered if he were to have to go to court one of these days, if he would call her for their ritual, or would he just forgo the whole thing and throw it all in the trash. She had made a mistake, she regretted it now, it put this awkwardness between their easy friendship and now, she was afraid she was going to lose that too. The one time she put herself first, it blew up in her face. Selfishness was never a good thing.

Harvey had declined her offer for a drink the other day, he didn't want to be alone with her anymore. He had shut her down when she offered to talk to Stu on his behalf. He knew she was the best for that, but he was willing to just shut her down. He never used to be like that. If not for Mike who had backed up her idea, Harvey would have ever let her help. She only wanted to do her job, but now he was to keeping things from her. Even work stuff.

He was taking Paula out to dinner with his mother tonight. He neglected to tell her about that too. Back in the day, she would have been the first person he would have gone to with something like this. His girlfriend meeting his mother was a huge deal, his mother whom he had just recently reconciled with. It was amazing how hard he was working to please Paula. To keep his relationship with Paula. He had never let any of his girlfriends meet any members of his family. Not even Scotty. Donna had met his father and his brother, but she had never met his mother. Somehow, she had foolishly thought that she would be the first one to meet her. She had always been the one he introduced his family to. This time it was different though. It was Paula he was introducing to his mother as his girlfriend. That somehow hurt more than any of the other things that had gone on between them. And to think that he didn't value her anymore to the extent of not even telling her of something major like this. His girlfriend meeting his mother was a huge thing. And he was choosing to hide it from her riled. Or maybe he just didn't care if she knew or not. She wasn't that important in his life anymore. One mistake. It had been one mistake. A moment of weakness that she thought she could take for herself for once. She may have lost the one thing that meant anything to her.

No need to be dramatic Donna. Just talk to Stu, get him to buy that company and show Harvey how indispensable you are. Then their friendship will sure be back on the mend.

…

 **Footprints in the sand remind us that we can just wash away light it turns to dust Leaves because it must evaporate Am I holding on to something that's already gone? Am I holding on to something that's already gone- Heartbeats.**

 **…..**

It had been a stressful week but at least his relationship with Paula was back on track. At least it seemed to be getting there. Harvey was determined, and he was not going to let anything, or anyone stand in the way of It. This was the best relationship he had had in a long time. The best. On is terms.

 _"Twelve years ago, Donna and I slept together."_ He grimaced thinking about that confession to Paula. The look on her face. It was a combination of shock and realisation, as if she should have guessed it or something. He felt like a heel, like a cheater. _"It was twelve years ago."_ He had tried to explain but anything to do with Donna seemed to threaten her these days.

Now, the issue was had he not told her about this when he had told her about the kiss. Well, maybe he wanted to pace it. Understandably so. Or, talking about that sacred night, to anyone, was still very taboo to him. He had to make himself extremely open to be able to say that to Paula. It felt like he was letting someone else into his and Donna's sacred secrets. It didn't feel right. But he was determined. So, he forged on. If anyone was intruding into anyone's secrets it was Donna, not Paula. Donna was the one who had kissed him, even knowing he was in a relationship.

He sighed again as he remembered how that conversation had gone. Thank God, it had passed. Paula was back with him again, after a few days of fuming and he of convincing and much begging. He was so determined. His heart might be untouchable, but his sincerity showed as he begged Paula to come back to him. Begged her to understand. And he really meant it, with everything that wasn't his heart.

This morning, he had taken it a notch up by making her coffee. Shit! He had put vanilla in it.

He liked her so much he thought he would make it a little bit more special, he was still in the grovelling stage.

 _"You must have put something extra in it. What is it?"_ Paula asked him with a smile as she stood looking at him in his kitchen

Should he say it? Should he lie? Did Paula know about the vanilla? Of course, she knew, he had disclosed that in one of his therapy sessions. The special coffee that only Donna ever made, special for him. Not awkward at all. And he could not afford to lie to her again.

"Vanilla." He said. He could see her literally withdraw in realization.

 _"I told you I wasn't going to lie to you Paula."_ He said it with all the sincerity in his eyes. God, he was so not ready to grovel again, but if that's what it took, then he'll do it.

Then she relented, and drank the coffee, and Harvey breathed a sigh of relief. It was nice being with Paula, it was tame. And that's how he liked it. He would not mind putting a ring on it right away. He had no doubts, nothing to hold him back. This was it.

Now, when his mother called to say, 'hi', an idea hit him. Why not take a step further into this thing? Lay a foundation to settle down. And his girlfriend meeting his mother was just the thing.

…..

 **It's all you get, for holding on to something that will never come. Am I holding on to something that will never come-Heartbeats.**

 **…..**

Paula sat smiling at Harvey's mom across the table, laughing at the stories his mom told about him as a boy. She could not believe she was having this moment right now. She knew Harvey's issues and to have him take this step to introduce her to his mother, that must have taken a lot from him. It showed her that he was truly ready for this relationship. He was in this 100%. Or at least that's where he was trying to get, and the least she could do was believe him. Believe in his sincerity. God only knew she wanted this so bad. She remembered the last few days; it had been hard, and she didn't think they would be sitting here, having dinner with his mother. As a Therapist, it told of how Harvey had made so much progress with his emotional issues. And she would gladly take credit for most of it. As a woman, it showed how valued she was, maybe even loved. She had a place in Harvey's life and this hinted on something solid, something more permanent. And after the whole kissing Donna thing and the confession to sleeping with her that long time ago, the fight and the hardship she had gone through because of that; this was refreshing. She was happy. It was true, Donna may still love Harvey, hence the kissing and all, but Harvey wasn't on the same page. He was in love with Paula, not Donna.

She was about to breathe with relief when Harvey's mother thanked her and said she was glad to finally meet her.

"No, I meant when you and I mended our fences, you said the only reason you did it was because someone special in your life encouraged you to. Well it's obvious that someone was Paula."

Only she wasn't. It was Donna.

Paula froze, and took her hand off Harvey's as the awkward silence ensured at the table.

"I just put my foot in my mouth, didn't I?" Harvey's mother said, reading into the awkwardness.

"No, it's not your fault, but I think it just so happens that I'm not the special person Harvey was talking about." Paula said, stiffly.

The rest of dinner was horrible. This was so confusing, even for a Therapist. Donna had to go. She just had to go for her to have some piece of mind.

…..

 **I don't have enough heartbeats left to spare them on somebody Spare them on somebody Who never planned to see the moments pass Now until forever Now until our last breath-Heartbeats.**

….

He had to grovel again, he knew that. So, he prepared himself to explain it away, again. The truth was, though Donna was the special woman he had talked to his mother about, they both knew that, she wasn't the special woman now. Why couldn't Paula just accept that it wasn't Donna he had taken to see his mother and not Donna he was in a relationship with now? Why was she so threatened by things that happened a long time ago? And then recently, again? Well, he kind of understood. And if he were being true to himself, Donna was an ever-fixed threat to his piece of mind, to this relationship. That's why he was so determined to draw the line back on. To step back and gain his control back. This was what he wanted, Paula. He'll do anything.

 _"You don't understand Harvey, the last time in my relationship it felt like there were three people in it, and it turned out there were. I'm sorry, but I can't do this with her still working so closely with you."_

What was she saying now? _"Are you asking me to fire Donna?"_ He had asked incredulously, the possibility of it numbing him.

 _"I hate asking this of you but, you going to have to."_

His heart stopped for a moment. He could not believe that she had just given him an ultimatum like that, and for a moment he thought of throwing it right back in her face.

Then he thought better of it. He needed Paula. This was what he wanted with every part of his being except his heart. That's why it was perfect. A relationship with Paula wasn't dangerous, it would never threaten to kill him. It wouldn't break his heart, it didn't take everything. And since she was the one who had helped him get over his Donna issues, kept his feet on the ground when it felt like all around him was quick sand, she would do it again this time. He wasn't going to be ok, being without Donna, but if he had Paula, after a while, it would not feel so bad.

And progress? He could think of living without Donna now without feeling like his tie was about to chock him to death. That was the effect Paula had on him. For the first time he believed he could do this and survive.

But he could not imagine facing Donna with this. He could not imagine any easy way to do this. Easy was not even supposed to be in that sentence.

He didn't sleep that night, and the next day, he felt like he had a noose tied around his neck all day. Then Stu phoned, raving about Donna's talents. That gave him an idea.

…..

 **I don't know if you mean everything to me  
And I wonder, can I give you what you need?  
Don't want to find I've lost it all  
Too scared to have no one to call  
So can we just pretend  
That we're not falling into the deep end?-Deep end.**

...

The deal with Stu had been made and things had worked out better than expected. And most of it was thanks to her. Donna, sat in her office doing an end of day report on something. She smiled, today had been great. She had kicked ass today.

Stu walked in at that moment, happy as a pig in mud. And she had done that. Now he wanted her to work for him. Of course, she was the Donna. But she already had a job. Stu was not the first person to want to steal her from Harvey. When will then learn that no amount of money could buy her away? Wild horses wouldn't drag her away.

Then Stu said something that he wasn't supposed t have known, unless Harvey told him about it, and she just froze from a minute. The good thing about being a good actress was that she didn't let it show. Even caught off guard. But it had hurt something fierce. Stu had waltzed in here raving about her talents and wanting her to work for him. He sounded like he wanted to steal her from Harvey, only it was Harvey himself who had put him to it. She knew it without a single doubt in her mind. Harvey wanted to get rid of her like an old unwanted rug. And he didn't even have the decency to do it himself. He couldn't even accord her that little respect. When did it get so wrong, so fast? The pain she felt was unimaginable, so instead of dwelling on it, she let her indignation lead the way. Anger was a great cover at times like these.

So, as soon as Stu left her office, she marched into Harvey's office ready to let him know what she thought about the whole thing.

He had tried to deny it at first, tried to play dumb, and that hurt more than anything. Harvey treating her this way was something she had never anticipated. It was her own fault, she had crossed the line, now she was about to lose Harvey. Yeah, Paula might be the one pulling the strings here, but Harvey was consenting to it. He was doing this. As much as it hurt, she couldn't lose him.

"It was one mistake Harvey. Now I'm going to lose my job over this?" She pleaded, she could not believe this.

"You put me in this position Donna." Harvey said, his jaw set. This was happening, and he was choosing Paula.

This was her worst nightmare and she could not just let it happen like this. She had promised herself that she was never going to put her heart on the line again, but this time was different. She was about to lose everything that meant anything to her and she was not going out without a fight. She still had one play left. She could appeal to Paula. Beg her if she had to. God knew Paula had the upper hand here, but if she could hear her out, maybe she would not be so heartless to leave her with completely nothing.

Swallowing her pride as she faced Paula was painful, but nothing could be as painful as losing Harvey, completely.

So, she choked it down and begged.

 _"I'm sorry Paula, I'm so sorry, but I'm appealing to you, woman to woman. Please you cannot make me leave the job that I love, everything that I've worked for all this time."_

Translation- ' _Please, don't be a vindictive bitch. Fine, you win, you have him. You can have him but please, don't take him away from me."_

Then Paula asked if she could swear that something like that will never happen again. For the life of her she could not even lie, and she could see the last nail on her coffin being nailed in with the look on Paula's face. She was done. She had just lost everything.

Paula set there, all high and mighty, all the cards in her hands and passed judgement.

 _"See that? That is the reason I can't even consider this. I'm sorry but, no."_ She said with a final note, passing judgement as if she were a queen. She was. She had all the power right now and if Donna could ever be absolved for kissing Harvey, her grovelling like this in front of Paula was the price. It was penance enough. The look on Paula's face said that she enjoyed in very much. Donna will never apologize again for it. If Harvey wanted her to go, then she will go. She left Paula's with her pride and self-respect in tatters.

….

 **Ooh, how do we mend?  
Ooh, I didn't choose to depend on you  
It's out of our hands  
Maybe it will work out in the end.**

…..

Harvey walked into his office with his usual confident stride only to find a resignation letter on his desk. From Donna. As he read it, the pain dripping from every word she had written, he knew he had been fooling himself when he thought he could do this. Before he could think of breathing, he was already out of that office, running as if to save his life.

This was bullshit! He was running out the door, hoping he would catch up with her. He had to put a stop to this. And he knew how.

He found himself in Paula's office. He didn't know how he got there, how he had made up his mind about this. All he knew was, he could not live without Donna. And this was the reason he had wanted Paula so much. Because he could leave her. But he could never leave Donna. He sure could live without Paula, but he already had trouble breathing because Donna had just left him. This experiment had been blown to hell, he had no more moves to make. Who was the fool now?

So that was that. His relationship with Paula was over, and the look on her face said she had seen this coming. But the hurt there… maybe not quite like this.

He had rushed to Donna's Apartment like someone racing against a time bomb. There she was, looking so…Donna. And so unhappy.

"What are you doing here Harvey?"

"I came here to give you this." He said tearing up the letter.

"Does she know?" Shock did register on her face.

"She does. It's over." He said with resignation in his voice.

"Are you ok?"

"Will you come back?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm ok."

When she said yes, she got her answer. And had his. He was going to be ok. As long as she came back. And he had also utterly lost this battle.

He was angry. He was so angry at that moment. He had thought he was ready, he had been making progress, it had taken Donna leaving for him to realize that he would never be free of her. He could run, or protest or lash out but he could no longer deny that he loved her. The realisation that he would never be free of this curse made him hate her so much at that moment, almost as much as he loved her. To destruction.

So, when she asked if he wanted to come in, he declined. He really needed to be alone right now. To ponder his predicament which he could no longer deny or excuse with the words 'just friendship' or 'work'. He had never set out to love anyone like this.

…..

 **I don't know if you mean everything to me  
And I wonder, can I give you what you need?  
Don't want to find I've lost it all  
Too scared to have no one to call  
So can we just pretend  
That we're not falling into the deep end?-Deep end.**


End file.
